With all the advice I keep getting asked to give, I thought it would be nice to run a little side page to keep track of the questions and answers to help people that might feel they need to ask the same questions etc. Every new q&a I get asking for advice I will add to this page.

Anonymous asked: how do guys feel when they really like a girl. like, if a guy liked the same girl for a 5 months or more, does that mean he’s really into her?

by the way, many more of these questions are coming. aha, you seem like the best guy i could ask, so i’m trusting you :)

I think guys are a law onto themselves! Best to get that out of the way straight away!

Right now the seriousness!

From my perspective, when a guy likes a girl he should feel like that there is no other that could turn his head, now this probably isn’t something a guy feels in the first few weeks of a relationship. I’m sorry to let you in on it girls but guys feel just as insecure about themselves in relationships to start with, and this is often mistaken as a ‘he’s not really that interested in me stage’.

Whether guys will question whether the girl is everything he wants, or whether, god forbid, he is worried that he isn’t good enough for a girl will usually bring round these initial insecurities.

Do not fret, a guy who seems like this is just feeling his feet in a relationship! The one thing I don’t know any guy is comfortable with is ‘clinginess’ constant phonecalls or texts reaffirming love, where are you? What are you doing?  usually aren’t the best idea, and yes I have been guilty of this in the past, guys can do this as well - but I have learnt that everyone needs their space, so if there is a bit of distance between you, don’t think immediately that either of you cares less, just that you are mature enough to understand everyone needs their own space sometimes!

With regards to the question if a guy has liked a girl for five months or more does it mean he’s really into her? Well, this could mean two things. Either it means he really is into her, and by holding a torch for her so long, not getting with others etc, and I think you could give this guy the benefit of the doubt that he truly does care for her. 

But you do have to watch out for the sharks, guys who appear really interested in one girl, until he gets what he wants and casts her aside. These guys see this as a tactical battle and challenge, and yes guys would be really willing to hold interest for 5 months to ‘win’. These guys are obvious to spot, because they usually will have a open dialogue about sex between friends, and more importantly will probably be getting on other girls etc, even if they say it is to ‘make you notice me’ or ‘make you jealous’. 

If a guy really likes you, after the first few weeks he will be not letting his eyes drift as much, (im sorry to say girls, just like when a fit lad walks past you, we tend to notice others) but it doesnt mean the guy dislikes you.

And if you are in a relationship for five months it really does mean the guy cares, but don’t forget to work together to keep the relationship exciting and not just drift by. If you aren’t having fun, chances are neither are they and sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

Hope this made some semblance of sense! and bring on more questions, I quite like these ones!

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Anonymous asked: have you ever had sexual fantasies about a man?

In all honesty I haven’t. Not that there is anything wrong with guys having fantasies about other guys, it doesn’t make them gay, it doesnt mean that they are the devil, just that they are open minded enough to appreciate the sexiness of another man.

I’ve always been totally a guy who loves women, I just think that whatever shape a woman is they can just ooze sexiness in a way I feel a guy could never do.

Not to say that in the future I couldn’t, but at the moment, no.

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Anonymous asked: My boyfriend is going to a different college so we decided it was best to split up. He said he still wanted to be friends. What is the best way to maintain a friendship with him without feeling sad and wanting to still be in a relationship?

As hard as it sounds, the best healer is time. 

If you notice, it is nearly always the guy in the relationship that says, ‘we should stay friends’ and this could be one of a number of reasons ranging from, they like you so much they would rather have you as a friend than lose you from their life completely, to the more awkward ‘staying friends because they still love you and think you’ll get back together.

I think the best way to stay friends after the break up of a relationship is to take some time away from one another. Break down the little habits you slip into like texting them to tell them about key things in your day, or turning to them if you feel upset. By reducing the amount of time you spend doing things as if you were still in a relationship (if you get me?) it gradually enables a distance to form between you both and it enables you to distinguish where the friendship begins.

It isn’t an easy process by any means, but you do get the opportunity to develop a good friendship again. 

The key as well is to not be jealous. This works both ways, and if you see your ex with another person or vice versa, it may pulverise your heart initially, but just think of the wonderful opportunities that are open to you to experience. So resist the urge to scream and shout, or run and cry, or even have angry random sex with a stranger, and try to understand and appreciate we all move on after relationships.

Just get yourself back out there, remember your friends are there too, and never turn your back on them because that is when you start to feel alone, and if you feel that your friends have grown weary of you whilst you were in a relationship and perhaps not spending as much time with them, just remember, a sorry goes an incredibly long way.

Good luck!

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Anonymous asked: What is it you specialise in? 
I mean, it says you’re a designer and I’m quite new to your blog so I’m not sure. But you’re giving all this very detailed advice. Its fantastic, but I wondered why I suppose. 
What is it you’re really interested in? Or does your advice have nothing to do with it? xxxxxx

I suppose it’s just because i’m a guy that does not mind admitting the failures of being a guy! I don’t proclaim to be a relationship therapist or be able to slip you inside the the psyche of what goes on in all guys minds but I can give advice from a guys perception :)

I am a designer, specifically a graphic designer, although i’m actually a graphic design lecturer full time and graphic designer(that gets paid!) less and less it seems! So I have to deal with lots of pastoral issues day to day.

So I think people that follow me know I am a pretty honest and open guy and I suppose at 27 people must think that I understand a lot more about relationships and the like, so by asking me they know I’m not just going to give a generic answer but rather a detailed guy’s take on a matter.

I have always been people’s first point of call if they need to talk about things, I think it is just because they know i’ll listen, about whatever, whenever or however. The fact that someone did this for me at a very significant point in my life still means I am here to ramble on about things, so it would be selfish of me to not extend the offer of help and advice to those in need.

Hope that helps understand, if you like you can look at my students work here

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bethanu asked: right, its not exactly a question but its a moral situation. 
A girl I don’t really know popped up on facebook, i’ve only met her in passing (A friend of a friend) 
I got told by my friend that she’s a bad person. She’s very lovely but when it comes to relationships she’s really unfaithful. She’s cheated on a friend of mine and got him into trouble with another guy over her. 
Now she has lost all her friends because she’s spending more time with the boy she is with now. 

She asked me to come out, and of course I would happily befriend her because I think everyone deserves a better chance & everyone needs someone to be there for them for if they want to change. I didn’t feel like I had the right to ignore her because I don’t know her well enough personally to know what she’s like, so she’s done ntohing wrong to me for me to dislike her. 
What do you think? Haha, what would you do if you were in my shoes? :D

I think you can’t always believe everything that is said about people, and we all have our own minds that are able to make our own decisions. 

This girl seems like a good person, except when it comes to relationships, which in all honesty is probably down to youth rather than maliciousness. People don’t realise the impact having no one there as a friend has on a person. I have no friends really, and I would love it if someone took the time and effort to just be friends with me. But then the amount of times people let me down I just hardened up and thought what’s the point? I may as well stay friendless because no-one I ever let into my life keeps promises, or makes an effort and seems to think its fine just to let someone down. So here I am, 27, no friends, unhappy, untrusting. I can tell you that it is shit.

This girl has made some mistakes but there is no reason she should be shunned because of them, especially as she probably needs the help and company more now than ever.

I think you have nothing to lose being friends with this person, and if others want to put you down for looking to help someone so obviously alone, you have to question what these others attitude actually is, and in reality if they have such a problem with who you are friends with, then perhaps they aren’t that good friends to start with.

If it were me I would befriend her, but then again, the opportunity to befriend anyone these days would be a welcome change.

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Anonymous asked: i’m in love with my best friend but he has a girlfriend :( it’s so fucking annoying cause we’re PERFECT for each other, we like all the same things and we’re both really weird and funny :/ he even said he’s come up and visit me in Uni, but in the back of my mind i think that someday we will be together, eventually :/ do you think that’s stupid? to believe in something like that when it’s blatantly obvious your only going to be friends?

This is such a common issue, and I think we’ve all been there at some point in life.

No one knows just what is lying in wait for us in the future, just 3 years ago, I thought I was happy in a job, engaged to someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with and had many amazing things, a place of my own etc etc. Now Im alone, and unsure of what I should be doing with my life.

These changes can occur in moments, and your friendship may be one of these things. I know it is leaving yourself wide open for rejection if you told your friend how you felt, and even though most people would say this is the right thing to do, I disagree. Don’t tell him. Not now at least. Without hope in the world, your existence counts for nothing, keep being the friend he needs at the moment, because lots of successful relationships can grow from solid friendships. He may have a girlfriend now, but you are both going through big parts of your life and feelings change. He may discover that you are the perfect person for him, but then again, you may discover someone who makes you feel even more happy and comfortable.

Be the friend he loves you for, and who knows how your future will turn out. But never give up believing in anything you think is worth it.

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Anonymous asked: Lol i know your not an agony aunt but ur advice is awesome dude. 
I met this girl on the net, shes fucking gorgeous and we get along so well, like real really well but i cant help but think she’s just not that in tot me. I dunno what to do because idont wanna sound like a creep but i cant just ignore her.

I think you should just remember that every relationship, no matter where it starts is hard work, and it is very easy for people to develop relationships through the net. 

You should just put the feelers out with this girl to see how she sees you, I think your point of her not seeming to be that into you may give you the unfortunate answer you may not want to hear. If you do  get on with her though, why not suggest a meet up, perhaps with friends or somewhere nice and public, so that she knows you aren’t some creepy guy, and see how you get on.

If it turns out that it isn’t meant to be, use the confidence you have of talking and building up such a fantastic rapport with the gorgeous girl to go out and approach other girls. Be confident (but not cocky!), be honest and listen. Three things every guy should do when approaching a girl in any situation.

Hope that helps!

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Anonymous asked: My ex boyfriend is graduating soon and I would like to know what is an appropriate gift? I know it sounds odd to buy an ex a graduation present but we have grown up together, our older siblings are friends, and our parents vacation together and he even invited me to his party. I’m the same girl that asked you about how to be maintain a friendship with an ex when he asked me if we could still be friends.

No it doesnt sound odd!

I think that it may sound like a corny idea, but it obviously seems you guys have had some awesome times together both in your relationship and as friends, so why not give him something special to remember those times.

One thing I regret throughout my life is the lack of photographs that I have form key moments or fun times, and it always makes me a little sad that all I have are the memories in my head, so why not give him a photo, or photos of some of the good times you’ve both shared through the years. You could either do a big collage of photos, or put them into a nice album with a note that will always remind him how much fun you both had and how much you have valued him being there.

Expensive gifts always always look flashy on the day, but it is always the little things and the gifts with the most effort and thought that stand the test of time.

Hope this helps :)

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Anonymous asked: how does a guy usually feel when he likes a girl?

Well I think each guy feels different. 

From my perspective when I like someone I start to imagine them in almost every scenario I meet during the day, thinking about how it would be if they were there.

Lots of guys will feel embarrassed, not for liking a girl, but rather the thought that she will humiliate him or break his heart if he does express how he feels (yup been there, got the t-shirt, bought the mug). 

Again from my point of view, if there is someone I like even the mere mention of their name will make my stomach bounce, but then on the flip side, if a tiny thing bad happens, it makes the world feel as if it’s caving in on you.

I think it is hard for guys to admit they are just as emotionally needy as girls can be, if not worse! Pay me no attention I get frustrated and feel alone, pay me too much attention and I feel suffocated and freak out.

Guys probably feel exactly the same as a girl does when she likes a guy, just with more crotch grabbing and misjudged chat up lines.

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Anonymous asked: Is it hard for a boy to ask a girl out? My boyfriend spent a month getting to know me which I loved. When he was asking me to be his girlfriend he didn’t look me in the eyes or even look at me. We were sitting on a bench and he put his arm around me then asked me. I felt odd like if he wasn’t really into it but he did give me a kiss after I said yes.

I think girls need to realise sometimes how incredibly hard it is for a guy to ask them out. The fear of humiliation and rejection rages and it makes us feel vulnerable and not keen to outwardly express all the emotions we want to feel.

Everytime I have asked a girl out I have felt like the biggest idiot in the world, the umms and the ermms are high in their quantity and with each words that stumbles out you feel the next one is going to be the one to blow it for you. 

What you have to imagine is the sense of ‘playground’ fear. Many times I remember at school guys asking girls out only to be rejected and ridiculed by his peers, whether they were popular or not, everyone seemed to get this treatment if the worst should happen. (I know, i’ve been there and had it happen to me many times). So guys as they grow up, they still have this perpetual fear lingering in the back of their head……’What if she says no?!’ 

Of course, some guys are arrogant enough to brush off these knock backs, but being honest these arrogant guys will probably not be the ones doing the asking……if a guy asks you out it probably means right at that point, his legs turn to jelly, his vocabulary ceases to know words of more than 5 letters in length, his palms get sweaty, he thinks by not looking at you in the eyes it might make the process less painful and he is probably thinking of running for the hills! 

So girls, just remember, if a guy is asking you out, he is probably more nervous and scared than if he were swimming with sharks, covered in steak. Cut him some slack and make him feel at ease.

hope that helps

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Anonymous asked: Do you think a guy can put off a girl by being too full on and needy?

Definitely! 

Just like a girl can be put off a guy for the same reasons. Everybody needs space, and believe me I haven’t always realised this myself, but it is one of those harsh but true things. 

When someone needs to be there, or knowing every movement you make etc, it reveals a lack of trust and it aggravates all people no matter there gender. 

Space is a good thing, we all need each other in relationships, but we also need to realise that without what makes us ‘us’ then you can never be happy.

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Anonymous asked: I am a short girl and I’ve noticed a lot of my guy friends tend to guy for the more average-tall height girls. It makes me feel insecure at times. Along with being short, I have a high pitched voice, and I’ve been told I look to innocent by some guys. Do you think the fact that I look to innocent and small is hurting my chances in the dating game? It has gotten to the point that my mother tries to set me on dates.

Well, I can pretty much say unless the girl is some freaky 9ft giant I don’t think height would ever be an issue when I was thinking of dating someone. Now i’m not the tallest, 5’8, but I wouldn’t have an issue with going out with someone taller or shorter, its the person im dating, not their inside leg measurement! Just to clarify as well, I have been out with short girls, tall girls, average girls - it made no difference to me, they all have the little quirks you fall in love with!

Going back to your point that some guys have said that you look too innocent, you need to think ‘what does this guy mean? Too innocent for what?’ and if you can answer that (which i’m sure you will) you need to think is that all that they want from you in the first place?

I think shorter girls can play the cute card so well, fashions look good on them, they have an appeal of just wanting to munch them and cuddle them up, and in no way is this a bad thing. I would not worry about what or who is going with who at the moment, because everyone is different., and if there aren’t any guys that cannot appreciate your good points at the minute, i’m sure they will in the future.

Until I started dating again, my height never used to bother me, but sites like Match where potential dates lay out what they are looking for, mostly tall (6ft+) dark and handsome, well I would be lying if it made me feel somewhat insignificant, but if I were a different size, i’m sure there would be something else I wasnt happy with. Embrace how you look, be confident and style yourself to accentuate your look and I am sure you will be just fine :)

hope this helps!

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Anonymous asked: What do guys prefer for a girls to wear on a first date? I know I tend to dress up more than I would. Where would take a girl for a first date?

I wouldnt mind what a girl wore on a first date as long as they were comfortable, and it reflected who they were. I mean, if you never ever wear a posh dress, don’t wear one on a first date! You won’t feel comfortable, a guy wouldn’t feel comfortable, just be yourself!

Obviously, you are wanting to make an effort, but be warned, I know many guys who think turning up in the office gear, or whacking on jeans and a crappy shirt constitutes good date attire. I think you need to judge how you can dress up your usual style without making it obvious you have tried to make an effort, and you will be fine.

As regards to a first date, well if you are old enough a really nice, but quiet bar is a good place to start. Don’t think Wetherspoons!! Thin somewhere where the drinks may be a little more expensive, but at least you have nice surroundings and some nooks and crannies to allow you to get to know one another.

If the age limit at bars is affecting you, go for coffee or something to eat. The relaxed atmosphere will put you both at ease, and familar surroundings will ensure you know how to make a quick escape if necessary!

Do not under any circumstances go to the cinema as a first date!! Where better to go to get to know someone than a dark room filled with hundreds of other people, in silence, watching a film? ANYWHERE!!

A stroll by a river or a walk in the park can extend a first date to allow you some time to talk and learn more about a person, and this doesn’t cost a penny!

hope it helps!

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